With it being Friday the 13th, I honestly couldn’t miss this as an opportunity to write a short blog post, specifically on a guilty pleasure of mine. Strangely said guilty pleasure also happens to be set on a similar day. Yes thats right I want to do a quick post on that most un-killable of horror slasher franchises -Friday the 13th. But there is only really one of these films that I tend to re-watch (usually in a slightly drunken state) and that would be Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives.
This rock n’ roll version of Jason Voorhees is quite possibly the most enjoyable and ludicrously silly entry within the series. When compared to the previous installments, it undeniably has its tongue planted firmly within its cheek. It becomes hard not to enjoy this film either slightly drunk or marginally sober.
But what makes this pleasurable watch when compared to the previous five entries? Well for starters it contains one of the most preposterous ways to resurrect the series antagonist, in this case a metal gate post stuck in the dead and rotting corpse of Jason as its struck by lightening. It is utterly ridiculous, but the fact this film seems to be aware of its own stupidity is all the better because of it.
It is firmly stuck in the 80s with its bad hair do’s, shocking fashion sense and the stereotypical teen character. It even goes so far as have its title song sung by rock legend Alice Cooper – now if that isn’t rock n’ roll for a slasher film, I don’t know what is. Jason as a character also has a fantastic look, all of the little details of the damage that has been inflicted from parts 3 and 4, is visible. It also contains some of the series more gory sequences and possibly its best (most explosive) finale, seen before or after. Theres also an enjoyable moment of hack and slash when Jason goes toe to machete with a group of crazed paintballers. Honestly what is not to love.
One thing I almost forgot to mention is that one of the police characters seems to have one of the largest (and might I add most comical looking) laser sights ever used for a hand gun, that it would make Gabriel Cash (from Tango and Cash) feel inadequate and blush.
Obviously if horror or slasher films are not your thing then honestly, give this slice of 80s nonsense a miss. But for those who are looking to have a quiet night in this Friday the 13th, you would be hard pressed to find a slasher centered on the same day that is as enjoyable as Jason Lives.
Now first thing is first, in my opinion 3-D is a waste of hype and time. Those that have either read my previous rant or are close friends of mine, know how much I detest this as though it is the second coming of the film industry. It particularly gets my blood boiling some what, when a film such as ‘Clash of the Titans’ (which is an enjoyable piece of forgettable nonsense) is converted ‘Post-Production’ into 3-D after studio demands, just so they can squeeze a few extra pennies out of the release. All the while preying on the weak willed and uneducated movie going public or what I like to call the ‘average film joe’.
I am aware this might seem that I am coming off a tad beaujois or labelled a film snob, unfortunately that is utterly correct. But as I mentioned in a previous post it just worries me to the what the current state of film is the instant a new film is release in 3-D, I mean of the initial ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ (but not followed by running and then screaming) it is just another film. It really does not go and enhance the feel of the film that much, so things can be seen on a grander scale which is the recent step forward as it no longer looks like a pop-up book, three dimensions but still contained within the two dimensional realm.
Recently I and my father witnessed a 3-D TV demo, annoyingly like all 3-D glasses I still had to wear them over my actual glasses, so far so much the same. But when the demo started it did proved a greater scope, it help my interest for long enough but quickly my attention was distracted by the still present 20% colour loss. Surely in all of this HD film and TV age clearing up a problem such as 20% colour loss would be easily sorted? Who knows but as annoyingly indecisive as I can be on top of my ability to verge, some what, into a hypocrite it seems one film is actually getting me a little more excited. Which unfortunately for myself leaves me in a kind of filmic paradox, how do I write a blog on a film which is a remake and uses a technique I am, for all intense and purposes not a massive fan of?
The answer is simple watch the 9 minutes of footage for the film which was to be shown at comic-con but was pulled at the last moment for being too ‘risqué’, via some inventive internet bootleg videos. The film in question is ‘Piranha 3D’ French director Alexandre Aja’s remake of the Roger Corman produced and Joe Dante directed 1979 ‘Jaws’ rip-off of the same name.
It seems the French director is garnering a reputation as the go-to guy for horror remakes what with his (quite good) ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ and (actually quite bad) ‘Mirrors’ (a remake of the Korean film ‘Into the Mirror’). But after watching this little teaser reel, it got me somewhat excited for the horror comedy carnage that could take place within the film. The teaser reel contains visual treats such as:
Some particularly bad CGI which makes you laugh even harder at the already bad acting and gory gloriousness
.
The Spring Break attack, where hundreds of pissed up college students dance drink and then get eaten by the prehistoric piranha fish.
Eli Roth getting his head crushed between two boats, as sick as it sounds genuinely made me have my drink erupt from my nostrils. I was honestly not expecting to see it; KNB did a fantastic job on the make-up effects as well as the whole scene shows. This is going to be one for my gory little scrap book. With special mention going to the girl who gets promptly scalped after her hair gets caught in a rota blade for a small boat….ouch!
The two most un-pc 3D effects which made me smile like a juvenile school boy include a girl having a piranha eat its self out of her mouth, flying towards the screen. With the second involving Jerry O’Connell’s character lose his John Thomas to a hungry piranha, who promptly burps the remains out into the audiences’ field of vision.
The final image to really stick in my mind after seeing this footage, was that of Mr Badass himself Ving Rhames, unleashing the pain on the carnivorous horde with the motorised blade of a small boat, to the soundtrack of AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’.
On top of all this the film also stars a shed load of old 80’s film stars including Christopher Lloyd as a scientist, Elizabeth Shue and Richard Dreyfuss (to keep the Jaws rip-off nod going). This is shaping up to be a supremely disgusting but hilariously OTT good time. It has not changed my ideas about 3D but it certainly has made me back off hating band wagon, for one film at least.
Asda's new marketing campain could give Iceland's "Thats why mums go" slogan a run for its money
One of the more recent horror films I have watched lately is the newly released 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams, having enjoyed the first film (a remake of the Hershel Gordon Lewis 1964 original 2000 maniacs) so much. With its un-pc and almost “Troma”-esque like humorous bad taste, I was pretty geared up for the aforementioned sequel and since it stared cult movie actor Bill Mosley it felt assured. So with bated breath and almost fanatical like devotion to the genre I ran into the supermarket found the film and proceeded to beat my way through the queue, to finally claim my purchase. My fist held high with my prize I then suddenly ran into the slowly setting sunset. A trail of bloodied remains laying in my crazed wake, for any poor souls who were unlucky enough to deny me quicker access to my flat and in turn my hour and thirty minutes of bloody comedy horror fun.
At least that was the more fun alterative because after watching Field of Screams (and quickly after turning the film on realising so) this was an utter waste of talent and everything the first was built up to be. I am also inclined to think that John Landis has been consuming copious amounts of crack due to its morish qualities, because his “headlining quote” seems a little like the ravings of a hungry junkie. So after the running time had passed and I lay staring at the TV screen, depressed and let down my expectations ripped from my beating heart similar to what an evil ex would do. I lay on the bed waiting for despair to take hold of my comedy horror heart…..but then suddenly like a bolt of electricity shooting through my memory synapses a thought occurred to me, all was not lost. For I knew to get me out of such a filmic slump the film would itself have to be both funny, un-pc, depraved and the right side of comically gory. And after mere milliseconds of searching my mind catalogue, the answer became clearer then the blinding light which shines through a non-curtained window. That answer was “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” and as I began to place said DVD into its designated slot, I heard the disapproving and unified tut of several fellow horror fans.
My first viewing of this now (at least in my own eyes) cult classic was late night on the channel Bravo, back when they screened at least semi good tele-visual programming and good “bad” films. I was young and intrigued at the prospect of a sequel to what I thought was one of the greatest horror films ever made, so out of curiosity I sat and allowed my still young mind absorb this kitsch feast. After watching I felt split, I knew I enjoyed it but felt a little dirty and almost like I was tarnishing the memory of the original but admitting to that fact. But slowly over the years it has grown to become a firm cult favourite and an indulgent guilty pleasure.
Now let me set something straight this film does indeed fail miserably as both a sequel and as a way of keeping the spirit of the originals minimalistic style and low budget feel alive. But when one distances this film from its predecessor and sees it as a single entry or at the very least a darkly comic take on similar characters, this film becomes a great campy comedy horror. TCM2 also has another connection that made me select it and it concerns Bill Mosley again; since this was his first feature film (after staring in a spoof TCM called The Texas Chainsaw Manicure) where he turns in a performance that is equal parts fantastic and annoying at the same time. His character of Chop-Top the brother of the Hitchhiker from the first film is utterly barking and contains some of the best horror quotes this side of Evil Dead 2. Including quasi-classic ditties such as: “lick my plate, you dog dick” / “Leatherface you bitch, look what you did to my Sonny Bono wig” and the still reining champ of quality horror one liners: “Get that bitch leatherface, get that bitch….doooog will hunt!”
Besides the more prominent emphasises on a comical approach to both the style and script, it contains yet another ace in the hole, in the form of the late great Dennis Hopper. This is yet another crazed performance but with added bonus, “The Hopper” wielding duel chainsaws which he uses to unleash the pain against the Sawyer Clan; while preaching to the heavens as he brings down “The Devils Playground” with his trusty chainsaws and cries of “I’m bringing it down…..down to hell!”. It certainly is an interesting performance but it does not put you in any doubt that Hopper was the ultimate man, I mean he even attacks a tree truck with a chainsaw. That is something only a real man would do before breakfast!
Ok I suppose Tobe Hooper was possibly having a slight seizure when he thought it would be a good idea to give Leatherface libido, it does produce the odd titter here and there but it usually from a nervous disposition. I mean all good Cinephiles know that in a horror film (particularly slasher films) sex and violence go hand in bloodied hand, but there is something oddly uncomfortable about watching Leatherface get himself off by slamming his chainsaw into a bucket of ice and seriously close to our protagonist’s lady parts. It also makes him an over sexualised buffoon closer to a hormonal teenager then that of a chainsaw wielding maniac.
Your not "The Hopper" unless you have the ultimate male accessory....the duel chainsaw
The thing about this film in retrospect is that ignoring the fact that it is not as good, or in anyway comes close to the use of tension and sensual overload the original had within it, it is still a bloody good laugh with a few horror comedy aficionados. The cult status is highly deserved and needs to grow somewhat as it is a witty, gory and comically violent good southern time. On top of which it is still better the previously mentioned Bill Mosley film sequel. So if you want a crazed almost surreal comedy horror experience TCM 2 is that very odd beast and surely anything that contains “The Hopper” rampaging around a subterranean home for murderous cannibals, all in the name of vengeance. Truly has to be worth at least one watch it might even grow on you.
If you haven’t guessed it already I love crap horror films, actually now that I mention it I enjoy and get a kick out of just cheesy badly made films and more likely then not, I have been covering some of my favourites and some of my guilty pleasures, and there are many more I hope to cover. But now there is one that falls into both of my camps, it is at times badly made, badly acted and downright nasty while at others it is hysterically over the top while having myself (along with a few select friends that know and appreciate it) roll around on the floor in laughter. Now since it is getting its fully uncut DVD release in the UK the beginning of next week, it seems oddly apt that I should cover a trashy cult favourite. Say hello to the second best melting classic “Street Trash” (the other would go to Larry Cohen’sThe Stuff), so take a swig of that special Viper brew and prepare to have your heart melt for this cult flick.
Unlike a lot of fans for Street Trash I was not fortunate to have grown up with this incredibly mental yet oddly compelling piece of crap (I was lucky to have that happen with the evil dead films, the leprechaun series and several other well known cult films) but it is still an entertaining piece of crap never the less and was lucky to have been handed a old video copy by a university friend in our first year of our film course. The cover was an old cardboard slipcase, beautifully preserved by my friend; it felt as though I was holding a valuable piece of rare film history and felt honoured to have my hands finally on it after years of waiting. But it held yet further delights for the cover was both seedy and revoltingly gooey at the same time, which only inflamed my need to watch it more as it genuinely excited me, here is a cover I first saw and I can image you are not nearly as excited as I was. To me my friend allowed me to be privy to a rare cult film hard to find in England at the point, I might have been a tad over excited.
Written by Roy Frumkes director and writer of The Document of the Dead documentary which is one of the best behind the scenes docs to be produced about a horror film (next to Apocalypse Soon: the making of Citizen Toxie: the toxic avenger part 4). The loose plot centres around a bunch of Junkyard tramps that happen to be swigging a bottle of toxic wine called Viper which melts very messily its drinkers into pools of multicoloured goo. Two hobo brothers try to avoid the effects of the brew while at the same time avoiding the psychopathic tendencies of a Vietnam vet called Bronson. Basically the film is a mess from a narrative perspective, but it is so off the wall and unbelievably crazy you can not help but instantly like it, if that is your sort of thing thankfully for myself and a few friends that is the case.
Released in 1987 it quickly became notorious within the UK because of, how shall we say, un-pc moments which happen within the films story, I use story loosely because even to this day I still have no idea what is happening within the film, its just a film of happenings and no real plot to speak of (but I think that is why it endears its self to me). The particular scenes I am referring too include the tramps of the junk yard gang raping a female tramp (not exactly pleasant viewing, but then again it is hard to work out that is what happens), while another scene has one of the local junk yard tramps pissing through a hole only to (excuse the pun) piss off the local crazy tramp who promptly cuts his penis off. Now this would be in complete bad taste if it was not so damn darkly funny as the other junk yard residents play “hot potato” with the severed john thomas as his rightful owner scrambles around trying to catch it, it really is purely played for laughs.
The only real down side to this film is the melting, there are probably about three good melting sequences (the best is still the toilet one) and it spends a little too long getting to the downright crazy stuff and then suddenly ends. But saying all that it is still an interesting film to behold and better still show to people who are as like minded enough to appreciate its absolutely unique appeal. It won’t ever win any awards for class or style but by god it’s a bloody good laugh all the same. Now the question is are you willing to take a sip of the good stuff and travel down to where the Street Trash dwell?……I thought so, enjoy (insert an evil laugh of your choice here)
Surely there can not be a film so utterly bad, so devoid of merit and as unbelievably inept in the ways of filmmaking as to be crowned “The Best Worst Movie”, oh how wrong you are because one such film does exist and its name is Troll 2.
Made five years after the first film this has absolutely sweet fuck all to do with its predecessor other then it goes by the name of Troll with a tacked on number two added to it. The legend among film fans of this kind of tosh, states that it was the brainchild of Italian director Claudio Fragasso (who also with his wife wrote the script) under the pseudonym Drake Floyd directs with all the finesse and subtlety of a new years eve drunkard who ambles around street corners thinking people are listening to him. The costumes where designed, a term I use lightly, by European porn actress Laura Gemser (who found fame with a series of Emmanuelle films) and consist of little more then bits of foam latex padding with burlap sacks over the top of them and horrible facial masks which complete the shoddy effect. Filmed in 1989 it was put back for release until 1992 in the states as well as England which just goes to show how little faith the production company had within this piece of cinematic awfulness, but for all of its down right grade A badness it has, for better or worse found a cult following. A following I am apprehensive to admit to be apart of (along with a few other friends), because for each and every absolutely shit moment, for there is many, that moment instantly grows on you in a seedy almost unwelcoming way. This is admittedly the type of film you want with friends on a drunken film night or at the very least as part of a bet (a bit like daring someone to watch Cannibal Holocaust in one sitting only not as bad) so join me through my ravings as I list the reasons why Troll 2 is a cult classic and favourite of recent midnight film screenings
The acting is for what of a better word pure unadulterated crap, it makes Steven Seagal seem as though he is reciting Chaucer when compared to these attempts at ham fisted acting. Check out this classic piece of acting talent which truly is an undiscovered gem.
There is the odd and slightly creepy deceased grampa who comes to the lead hero Joshua giving him warnings of things to come and the people of Nilbog (I wonder what that is backwards) not mention the classic scene where the dead grandfather stops time to tell Joshua not to eat the food that has been left for his family. The freezing of time can be described as something from a secondary school drama experiment; the actors can be seen clearly moving as Joshua walks around them, all of which just adds to the films hilariously bad tone.
Which in leads to Joshua doing the only thing he can do to stop his family from chowing down on the evil food, by (and I swear I am not making this up) pissing on the food off screen. By this point you are thing the kid really needs help, but wait that is the least crazy part, it gets better.
Then there is the surreal and downright bizarre scene of the sexy Goblin Queen seducing a guy in his caravan kissing him while she has a corn on the cob in her mouth, and suddenly without warning there is a overwhelming amount of random popcorn, which produces a “what the hell….did I just see that?” moment. And since the Goblins (did I mention this is called Troll 2?) are vegetarians the only thing that will repel them from an attack is a bologna sandwich, according to the director that is their form of goblin repellent , much like Draculas aversion to crosses and holy water. The repetitive soundtrack/score if you can call it that further cements the overall cheap and tacky quality of this film.
The over use of green goo just provides an absurd almost surrealist take on a horror film, here it seems to be the most predominant colour on screen that it verges on seeping from out of your own pours if watched if for long enough, you actually feel as though your brain might melt.
Basically what I am trying to say is this film is atrocious in a multitude of ways that are quite simply mystifying and yet I love it for what it is. It is the type of film legend that you watch like a seedy underground film, only to find it so unspeakably bad you feel you need to share it with friends, family and complete and utter strangers which is what I am doing for you here.
This is one of the worst films ever and there is basically just too damn much to list , but it is also a fantastically good laugh so seek it out, grab some beverages of the alcoholic variety. Most of all grab some friends and hold a mass screening and prepare yourself for the “Best, Worst Movie”
I will leave you with this video, enjoy if you can (insert evil laughing sound in here, or better yet just manically laugh to yourself)
I adore crappy trashy movies; it is like hobby, I go out of my way to find entertaining pieces of low budget trash that the casual viewer would either not give a second glance or just not be able to grasp the understated enjoyment of these badly made films. Thankfully due to the internet there is whole communities/websites and film forums which are dedicated to awful yet entertaining trash classics, one series of films in particular which I are great drinking movies (or even post drinking) is the Leprechaun series staring the instantly affable Warwick Davis (from star wars and willow fame) as the lead menace. So far there are six Leprechaun films each one a different story (each subsequently new film never followed on from the previous instalment) with some having him rhyme over others where he just churned out cheesy one-liners. Some of the best pieces of fried gold from this Irish rhyming lyricist include such classics as:
“Ahhh… lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I’ll rip ‘em off and rob ‘em blind, those dirty sons of bitches”
Leprechaun 3
“You may think this line is getting old, but believe me son, I want me gold!”
from Leprechaun 2.
So I thought in honour of this series of monumentally ludicrous films I would show my love and respect of these trash classics with this retrospective post, you might well get hooked and decide to seek these films out yourself.
Leprechaun:
The brain child of low budget filmmaker Mark Jones (who seems to have a fetish for horror films and mythical creatures after leprechaun he directed and wrote the little seen Rumplestiltskin) starting Jennifer Aniston in her first film role a year before she started “Friends” and Warwick Davis as the troublesome Wee man after his stolen gold. As quality filmmaking goes, this is certainly nowhere near to being any such thing; it is instead a low budget direct to video horror come comedy (although unintentionally). Of the six Leprechaun films this is not as good as some of the later films, but it does contain some fun scenes, for instance the sequence below, it is inventive and different and you can be utterly sure that it has yet to be done before this or since.
There is also one line contained within this classic piece of tosh that cheers me up each and every time I hear it, and if it was not for the leprechaun element it could easily be retrofitted for a muscle bound action hero in a direct-to-video action film. So I will leave you with this quote and if it does not sway you to even give this film a rental it truly is wasted: “Fuck ya lucky charms”
Leprechaun 2 (aka: One Wedding and Lots of Funerals):
In 1994 just over a year later this fine, yet shoddy beast of a sequel appeared in humble video shops across the globe having absolutely no connection to the previous film other then staring an evil little leprechaun (again portrayed by the irrepressible Davis). But what makes it stand out from the first is the scope of the film (which is on a grander scale then the first) and demonstrates a more professional touch both in front and behind the camera, that ultimately makes it more enjoyable. With this instalment the deaths are again played for laughs not scares and it is because of this particular aspect that as a fan and avid viewer of this series that I also find it the most outlandishly enjoyable.
Here are just some of the reasons I myself find for this to be a great viewing experience with friends or the fellow “Lep-Obcessed”: Ripping a yuppies finger off to retrieve a piece of gold, making a horny teen believe a set of lawn mower blades are the voluptuous breasts of his ideal woman (with much bad taste and blood spray), one of the main characters attempting to out drink ol’lep with a very drunk and defeated leprechaun finding the best way to recover from a hang over involves burning a barista to death with his own coffee machine (both hilarious and painful at the same time) obviously a fry up was unavailable at the time, just imagine the crazy deaths involved in that idea.
Then there is the rampage with a supped up and demonised go-kart taking out the local town security guard.
And finally granting the very painful placing of his gold pot via a wish into a characters stomach, it really has to be seen to be believed. All of which just further cements the reasons for my crap film love affair with this continuing series.
“Scream as you may! Scream as you might! If you try to escape, you’ll be dead on this night”
Leprechaun 3:
Obviously because of the monumental success (read: more then 10 people watched the second one) of the previous instalment this part arrived in 1995 again direct-to-video, and while not as enjoyable as the second film personally speaking, it does contain some hilarious and down right awful moments in equal measures. For starters the leprechaun is again not related to the first two while the story actually changes the formula by having the protagonist “Scott” being bitten by the leprechaun causing him to slowly through a strange metamorphosis become a leprechaun himself (eg talking in rhyme, having his appearance change etc). With this subplot of Scott’s change the rest of the film (or rather second act) decides to go all kinds of crazy on the viewer by having Leprechaun go even further in the outlandish kills and allowing him to talk primarily in rhyme which makes for a more interesting representation of a horror killer. But what of the ingenious methods of dispatching his victims I hear you cry, well fear not this is the most over the top of the series in terms of cartoonish violence just check out this video of his unique take on the over use of plastic surgery as evidence of his menacingly playful tricks.
Then there is the cheesy but highly entertaining (if only for a “did that just happen” moment”) of an Elvis impersonator getting out of the car seeing the Leprechaun and having them both do an impression of the king, an unbelievably surreal moment (whether under the influence of alcohol or not) together with a death involving (and this is to the best description I can muster) a half woman half television puppet which electrocutes a villain to death has to be seen, particularly as said puppet is the physical manifestation of the porn actress the character is getting his jollies to at the time, Viva Las Vegas indeed.
Well so concludes the first part of this Leprechaun film retrospective, its been an odd start to these wildly over the top and cheaply made horror films, but you really have not seen anything yet just wait until the second and final part.
