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Pleasures Most Guilty

3D, Lots of teeth, gratuitous boob shots and me

Now first thing is first, in my opinion 3-D is a waste of hype and time. Those that have either read my previous rant or are close friends of mine, know how much I detest this as though it is the second coming of the film industry. It particularly gets my blood boiling some what, when a film such as ‘Clash of the Titans’ (which is an enjoyable piece of forgettable nonsense) is converted ‘Post-Production’ into 3-D after studio demands, just so they can squeeze a few extra pennies out of the release. All the while preying on the weak willed and uneducated movie going public or what I like to call the ‘average film joe’.

I am aware this might seem that I am coming off a tad beaujois or labelled a film snob, unfortunately that is utterly correct. But as I mentioned in a previous post it just worries me to the what the current state of film is the instant a new film is release in 3-D, I mean of the initial ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ (but not followed by running and then screaming) it is just another film. It really does not go and enhance the feel of the film that much, so things can be seen on a grander scale which is the recent step forward as it no longer looks like a pop-up book, three dimensions but still contained within the two dimensional realm.

Recently I and my father witnessed a 3-D TV demo, annoyingly like all 3-D glasses I still had to wear them over my actual glasses, so far so much the same. But when the demo started it did proved a greater scope, it help my interest for long enough but quickly my attention was distracted by the still present 20% colour loss. Surely in all of this HD film and TV age clearing up a problem such as 20% colour loss would be easily sorted? Who knows but as annoyingly indecisive as I can be on top of my ability to verge, some what, into a hypocrite it seems one film is actually getting me a little more excited. Which unfortunately for myself leaves me in a kind of filmic paradox, how do I write a blog on a film which is a remake and uses a technique I am, for all intense and purposes not a massive fan of?

The answer is simple watch the 9 minutes of footage for the film which was to be shown at comic-con but was pulled at the last moment for being too ‘risqué’, via some inventive internet bootleg videos. The film in question is ‘Piranha 3D’ French director Alexandre Aja’s remake of the Roger Corman produced and Joe Dante directed 1979 ‘Jaws’ rip-off of the same name.

It seems the French director is garnering a reputation as the go-to guy for horror remakes what with his (quite good) ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ and (actually quite bad) ‘Mirrors’ (a remake of the Korean film ‘Into the Mirror’). But after watching this little teaser reel, it got me somewhat excited for the horror comedy carnage that could take place within the film. The teaser reel contains visual treats such as:

  • Some particularly bad CGI which makes you laugh even harder at the already bad acting and gory gloriousness

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  • The Spring Break attack, where hundreds of pissed up college students dance drink and then get eaten by the prehistoric piranha fish.
  • Eli Roth getting his head crushed between two boats, as sick as it sounds genuinely made me have my drink erupt from my nostrils. I was honestly not expecting to see it; KNB did a fantastic job on the make-up effects as well as the whole scene shows. This is going to be one for my gory little scrap book. With special mention going to the girl who gets promptly scalped after her hair gets caught in a rota blade for a small boat….ouch!
  • The two most un-pc 3D effects which made me smile like a juvenile school boy include a girl having a piranha eat its self out of her mouth, flying towards the screen. With the second involving Jerry O’Connell’s character lose his John Thomas to a hungry piranha, who promptly burps the remains out into the audiences’ field of vision.
  • The final image to really stick in my mind after seeing this footage, was that of Mr Badass himself Ving Rhames, unleashing the pain on the carnivorous horde with the motorised blade of a small boat, to the soundtrack of AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’.

On top of all this the film also stars a shed load of old 80’s film stars including Christopher Lloyd as a scientist, Elizabeth Shue and Richard Dreyfuss (to keep the Jaws rip-off nod going). This is shaping up to be a supremely disgusting but hilariously OTT good time. It has not changed my ideas about 3D but it certainly has made me back off hating band wagon, for one film at least.

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August 2010
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